My Everyday Life xD

Finally finished all of my finals and everything. Sadly, this is the first time I ever stayed up all night studying for a final. LOL tsk tsk.. I know but whatever its over and done with. You know what else is over and done with? PHUS PRESENTS!!! YAHHH!!!!! >8O took forever!!!!!!!!!! Im soo happy that its all done now, i wrapped it all up and everything. *dust off shoulders* Now I can finally relax... well kinda. I completely forgot to get the girls something (bella, jessenia) Im probably gonna start making plushies for both of them for christmas. jeez, im going to have christmas over there and i didn't even get the kids anything. HOW RUDE! lol but yeah im soo happy right now, like weight lifted off of my shoulders man.. I should be sleeping, and im amazed that i havent crashed yet. but going to look at more plushies and head off to bed. Start off all new and bright in the morning ^_^

Wow, just when i really didn't give a shit about my final thats tomorrow at 10am. I've decided that maybe.. yeah.. I should study for it for a bit. LOL WOW.... Finished the face for phus present. yay!! im progressing, anywho. NEED TO START STUDYING NOW!

Soo.... I've missed a couple of days, but its okay!!! this week has been really hectic...well sorta.. Actually I've just been lazy. Finally finished up one of phu's Christmas presents, now starting on the other one. Sadly, its not going to be the original plan that i had, but its okay I'll make it work ^_^ Phu came down for the weekend to spend some time with me yay!! love it when he comes down, we have soo much more quietness & time to just relax. Even though my room became a disaster, with all the food and drinks we had, but its kewl. Its late right now, but I really should get this project going. Stupid google, i wanted to connect this blog to my other gmail account & i have no idea how to do it. >_< FML.

It has really been a long time since I've been on here. I had to change my email and do all sorts of crap just to make sure I don't lose this blog. It's actually pretty depressing looking back on some of the things that I've posted, but its whatever. THIS WILL BE MY FIRST POSITIVE BLOG! well at least about Phu LOL. I'm effin broke yo. I spent way too much money since black friday & my wallet is freakin empty. Was it worth it? HELL YES! LOL I got some awesome deals & just got done buying gifts for my awesome friends & family. Thanksgiving was the best! I died tearing up the kitchen for a good three days before thanksgiving preparing the food and whatnot. Phu helped out with the turkey putting the rub on it and all. He named it "Henry" LOL he felt bad for the little guy. I didn't I massage the thing and gave it soo much love cause I couldn't wait to stuff the shit out of it and throw it in the oven. LOL The complete meal consisted of THE TURKEY ("aka. Henry"), Candid yams, Green bean casserole, Flaky Biscuits, Mash Potatoes & Gravy ( all handmade ), Ham (Phu did all of it & it turned out delicious!!!), Rice Crispies (Jhi made), & Salad ( which was also phus job ). Everything turned out really good. Afterwards I was soo wiped out I just wanted to crash and go to bed. FOOD COMA... Phu & his homies wouldn't let me cause they wanted to go to black friday. BIG MISTAKE, thats when my addiction started LOL. It all started when I found dance central 2 for 15 bucks and i started scouting out for more deals. >_< Thanks for everyone that helped me get the items that I wanted for black friday!! espeacially Robert ^_^. But neways, I'm not going to list everything I got cause this blog would probably extend out to 5 pages LOL. As of today, I miss my love Phu. Everything between him and I is becoming more positive and I'm happy! I still believe in us. He just came down for the weekend to spend some time with me + to also go to Dee's birthday dinner, but poor thing got sick and cancelled. SHES ALL BETTER NOW! yay!! thats what matters most. =] Its 2 in the morning and I should get some zzz.. Imma bookmark this site to remind myself to blog everyday.

That's so sad.

Phu Ly Sleep time :) Jessica where are you?!

that he complains that I don't talk to him at all, but every time I'm on the phone with him. He falls asleep. I guess now I know whose texting him in the middle of the night when i'm on the phone with him. =[ sad face. He just makes me feel sad when he guilt trips me, but he has someone on the side to talk to late at night.

I hope that one day.. I can build up my trust for you & truly believe that you stand on your on two feet. All I need to feel is to your girlfriend and your only girlfriend. Not to treat me just like your friends or even mine.. now that everyone is getting closer.

Mood: Sick to My stomach
So last night, I went to class and decided to chill at Metropolis to hang out with a couple of friends. Gave them a ride home and forgot to call phu. He got angry and decided to not want to talk to me. This weekend I was suppose to come through over to his place to spend time with him, but I figured that I have homework to finish and open house is all weekend. Parent will probably need all the help they can get. Last night, I decided to come down there to surprise him. Came down there around 2-3 in the morning. He wouldn't pick up his phone and I didn't see his car anywhere near the house. Got frustrated so went to the other side of the car to get my jacket and was going to get back into the car and sleep. But when I put the jacket on, the door closed on me with the keys inside. and tried called jowe but remembered that before I left that he slept in my room when his phone is in his room. FML. Pissed, but eventually Phu picked up the phone and I got inside. Told him I'll deal with it later. Right now, i'm at work with him and he's working on his car. He told me to watch naruto on his comp. I found porn instead, plus a ex gf file of girls spreading their pussies all over the camera n shit. This is recently and I told him about it and he says he doesn't know where their from. Whatever, after our fight about telling me about his emotions and all. and trying to make things better for both of us, he does the exact opposite. >_> I hate him, I hate him, I hate him. I want to leave and end this, but I'm stuck here without a car.

So I went to work today, still bothered about how my hours are being cut. Came in at 9 like I thought I was suppose to. Talked to ms. oh about the situation, she shoved it off saying that It's okay to not work your full five hours because you get more tip than everyone else since you work morning shift, it should make up for the lost hour. I don't care. if tip whatever, all of my tips are split with everyone else and plus I need the money. it's not like I'm working just to work. I got bills to pay. She doesn't seem to understand that. Kat's schedule didn't change cause she wants to keep her regular schedule just in case if it gets busy later. That's unfair, no matter what people say, I've worked there for a whole year. She worked there for a good three months and I get my hours cut. >_< Well, I tried to talk things through with her to make her understand that what shes doing is unfair whether or not if the business is slow. The business being slow is not my fault, why is it pointed at me? I wouldn't care if both Kat and I got cut, but I'm just pissed that it was focused on me than anything. So now, I'm going to look for a second job, gay that I was going to ask for a raise, but I doubt that's going to happen. I give and give and give, and they just keep taking and taking. well, let's put work aside..

Whats REALLY bothering me lately..
Phu & I have been together for a while now. today is our anniversary, we have our good days & our bad ones. I believe that our relationship can grow a lot stronger the more we can communicate. I have my insecurities., it's hard to explain it all at once. but it's hard to trust him at times. I tell him that, but he gets defensive, he doesn't try to understand my side of the story. My insecurities react to how he treats me at times and how he acts around me. I feel... not up to his level?? Of what he expects of me or what he wants me to be. That's what I feel. I feel that I am someone that is just there. Not someone that he would want to be proud to be with. I feel that he wants more, someone else. My looks, My personality isn't enough for him. He wants more. He loves what I have to offer don't get me wrong, but I feel that what I have on the outside is what's killing him. I feel like, he's not happy of how I look and how I treat myself. Even though, he says I'm the best girlfriend ever, but there's so much more than that. He tell me that I'm fine just the way I am, and I don't have to change for him. He's happy with me he says. but then I walk into his room im surrounded by what he idolizes... his background desktop tall, skinny blonde with blue eyes, his documents & files he sends me.. tall, white skinny blue eyes. He brags to be about how beautiful they are, and he expects me to feel confident about myself when I'm around him. It hit be pretty bad yesterday when I tried to talk to him about this situation and he just got fed up.. he goes if I don't trust him than its better off that we shouldn't be in a relationship. Back then, he would try to be with me and tell me that he'll try to do better to make me happy. I mean, I made my sacrifices and try my best to make him happy. Shit. I even baby him to death and try to trust him when he tells me that he Really Doesn't know any better. It's hard for me to wrap my head around the fact that guys tell girls that they had no idea what they were getting themselves into. . when its soo logical/common sense for them to not get into these type of situations. I ask myself, am I willing to go along with this further? I mean what he proved to me a couple of days ago is that He's tired of hearing me yap about my insecurities and that he's fed up and ready to give up. I've been with him for how long? & I've babied and been easygoing about everything until now. How much more can I hide it in and pretend that everything is going to be okay? Our relationship is great when we are together, we really don't have that many issues, but this situation has been stuck in my head ever since we've gotten together. And we have never settled it out. He ignores and shoves it away, but the problem always comes to haunt us. This reason makes me unhappy about our relationship. This situation causes me to rethink our relationship cause I feel, I really feel that I'm more of a mother to him than a girlfriend. I'm the person that's stuck in the back watching your every move and nick picking at you when you do something wrong. Because you don't want to learn, you don't want to become a better boyfriend, You just want to do whatever you want without any consequences. Your not man enough to accept your own faults. Your not ready to grow up yet. That is how I feel. If your willing to grow up, you would help me in this journey, to help me feel as special as you want me to feel being your girlfriend as I do for you. I am your second mother, I cook, clean, put up with your parents shit, plus yours and give you whatever you want no questions ask and I hold my emotions inside, because your not willing to listen. I hear him compliment his friends and entertainers than he would ever compliment me. I hear your beautiful one moment, the next "your trying to lose weight and your eating that? Good luck Your thunder thighs are just going to get bigger" I never cared about my weight once, still don't I feel perfectly fine the way I am. I'm growing. but the idea that you make fun of me and me feel like a piece of garbage compared to your goddesses that you always admire doesn't help me feel any better. I want to talk to you about this today, but you sound so happy over the phone, having no idea what's going through my head today. So I keep it inside, I don't want to ruin your day or you getting angry at me, pulling a guilt trip on me, making me sound like a crazy bitch. If I do sound like crazy bitch to you, maybe that's because you will never put your place in my shoes to see how I feel of the things you put me through. You will never understand the pressure that is put upon me, & if you don't understand then maybe YES, it would be a good idea for us to take our relationship of a whole new level. Apart.

So freaking irritated today! I don't know whats going on at work, but it's freaking me out. >_> so the day before yesterday (I'm blogging so late at night when I should be sleeping) Ms. Oh tells me to clock out half an hour early. Didn't bother me to much because it was a very slow on that day. This morning, she calls me around 8 o'clock to tell me to come in at ten o'clock today. O-o? why? Okay, I set my alarm for another hour ( i was like whatever cool another hour of sleep right?) Woke up pretty late. Exactly ten since my alarm didn't go off when it was suppose to hurried to work. Tried to finish everything up on time. Then I ended up having to cover for Kat. didn't bother me much, what bothered me was that Ms.oh seemed pissed about it. I really don't understand whats going on with her. Why is she being so edgy with me? I haven't done anything bad to her, but to only be her freaking secretary and take her business calls when my JOB is to be a CASHIER/SERVER. >_> Jeez, I don't slack that's not my thing at work, I do a good ten things more than i'm suppose to on a daily basis. So what is it?! This month is my one year to work here, and I have a feeling that shes trying to cut my hours off. which is very unfair for me. I asked kat if her schedule changed at all, she said no. that's shady. YES, it is. So i figured that since shes trying to cut my hours, shes definitely not going to give me a raise. >;[ now what? I guess time will only tell, when I have to look for another job. This is ridiculous. Anyways, vania and I didn't get to watch Vampire Suck cause it was fully packed two hours ahead of showing >_>. Oh wells, it really bummed us out but whatever. How worst can a day get?? Came home, chilled and now blogging cause i'm worried about work. *sighs* good thing, for a new day. Today is me and my loves anniversary! 3yrs and 6months baby! =] Congrats to us, and more.

It's Saturday and I came through to santa rosa to visit my phufoo. Last night, had a fun time cooking over at Garys with Jack & alicia. =] Movie night lightweight. We watched Something of Fury LOL. It was a pretty good movie. C -! Went to go watch The last exorcism. When I first watched it, I was really disappointed because I thought there would be soo much more. But then, since the movie didn't come out yet. I actually really wanna watch it over again =]. Right now, phus in the shower. We just got back home from Walmart. Back to school shopping man. =] Fun stuff. Guess what? I get to eat oysters tomorrow! yum yum!! Not really for school though. I JUST finished up summer school, so I feel like I had no vacation. Gay. Whatever though. I love phu. We've bonded a lot better now, since all that drama in the past is finally over. We grew stronger. Good thing! I slept in today and didn't wake up till 4 oclock. LOL phu was working on his car most of the time =] okay phus out. and hes happy with his new boxers LOL

It's finally over!!! Yee!!!! I finally finished up my final. Fucking 5-7 page essay that I gotta write about fast food. That shit be pissing me off. It's worth a whole letter grade too. Shit... man. I am fucking happy that it's all over with. =] whew... well I still got reading lab stuff to finish, but im hoping ill be done with it all by tonight, cause its due tomorrow. >_<>_> FUCK KAISER. Okay. i stop for now, i just wanna stop typing and watch some naruto or something.

1. I want to redecorate my whole room all over again. Getting tired of this crampiness. >_>
2. Must Finish doing my research paper. Schools almost over! yee!!! ^_^
3. Throw out all the clothes that I don't wanna wear anymore. . Imma use the room next door to throw all the useless shit in. Sadd... *tear* Poor old clothes. You got no love no more.
4. Have to. HAVE TO, pay off all of my hospital bills. this is getting ridiculous. OBAMA. Pass that law already.
5. Ask for a raise in august.. How do I even approach this type of situation?
6. I really need to put my old memories behind me, and focus on the new.
7. Stop being such a bitch all the time, people know that their doing wrong you don't have to put them on blast!
8. They're still going at it.. >_> pretending their not together, but they fuck every other day.
9. Naruto has soo many damn episodes! I will never catch up!
10. Gotta Pre-pack everything till the end of the year. Bye bye big house & Big bathroom.
11. You can get money back for donating clothes on your taxes? SWeet!
12. Why do good girls go bad?
13. Why do you approach me with "sup virgin?" Niggah what the fuck? I have a name you know..
14. Sorry I completely blew you off last night, I was in my "mode" to finish my damn paper.
15. I really want to get back into dancing again, I miss being on stage.
16. I want my hair to grow longer =[
17. I wanna get a BIGGER tat xD
18. Must continue to clean room.

Wow. The last time I posted something was really during christmas time. That's a lot of memories missed. =[ Let's see update on life. Still working at Stockton burgers, going to be one year of me working there in august. Maybe I should ask for a raise? lol we'll see. Still going to school at CRC and struggling to catch up to everyone else. We're losing our house =[ We'll my parents are trying to figure out what they should do in the meantime (looking for a different house, go foreclosure, etc..) Life with Phu? Everything has been doing fine, until now. Maybe the heat is just getting to me or something, im not so sure. I feel that I'm putting a lot more effort in our relationship than he is. Thats pretty much sums it up though. We went to the fair together with Jowe on Sunday and ate some aligator meat. Yum! Freaking 8 almost 9 dollars for it though. Total rip off. >_< rel="question">Whats so special about GW? (I would love to play with you, just don't wanna deal with your controlling internet gfs when we team up)

I don't play with anyone really anymore... only a few close friends, and internet gf's...and grow up it's only a 35 year old lady

I don't need to grow up. How would you feel if I asked you to spend time playing something with me because it was something of your interest and I had a controlling ass friend that wouldn't accept you tagging along becuase "you" didn't know what you were doing? & of course I do nothing about it to defend for you because my friend is just "kidding" around. the last time i remmeber of guild wars. She was helping us out with a mission ( I didn't even know what I was doing most of the time, you guys didn't bother to help) and when I did something wrong. "UGH! I can't believe that she did that, now we gotta do it all over again. Why did you even bring her along? We could of done this mission outselves soo better faster.... I don't give a shit if she has a missing butt check, 80 years old or what not. She disrepected me over a dumb ass game, who takes games soo seriously anyway? Shes fucking controlling, believe it or not. handicapp whatever. You can't expect me to play games with you and to enjoy it when you got a crazy pro telling you what to do and won't let you experiece the game yourself. I know it gets to you everytime I say no, but seriously. Everytime I go on, your not spending time with me, your just dragging me along with your "virtual" crowd.

Again, you've kept me waiting. its been five hours and the last text I got from you was "I'm driving to the atm, I'll call you when I get home" Its 11:11 Phu. I went on FB just to keep myself busy and I seeing you posting something about how you would want to sleep tonight? So much, for a call back when your gonna come home. =[

I feel like im doing soo much and getting so little. I'm in debt cause I always spend money on you. Money that I never have, you always say your broke. But you take care of your shit. I want to take care of mines too. I feel that starting today, we are going to grow more and more apart and your just going to continue using the excuse "i've been busy" to keep me hoping for a change. Being busy is yes, going to school going to work taking care of errands yes. being busy having dinner at a friends house? Playing games over night? Driving to the beach in the middle of the night with your friends? Oh I just forgot to call you cause I'm soo tired & already falling asleep? Yeah... you've been busy alright.

*sighs* Shove my disrupted feelings aside. Struggling to finish homework, because I have that in mind. Should I just distant myself away from him as well? Why bother waiting, when I could be doing something useful for myself right? He wouldn't even notice i'm gone..

Alot has changed.. Man, I haven't written anything on here in forever. Christmas was great. I was happy to see everyone together again. The presents are the best. THANK YOU! I'll use/wear them forever lol. New years? Finally sent in my two week notice of hell hole Mcdonalds. But hey, it was an experience, and I learned a lot. Thank you Cedric for helping me get a job, I just wished that I liked it as much as you and tuan did. Since its a new year im hoping to find a better second job. Gonna try my best to get it on my own. I feel like I have to depend on everyone on everything. This year, im trying my best to become more independent. I'm going back to school, still keeping my stockton job. Still planning on moving out in the Summer, but saving up BIG TIME. only deal is. IF i can get a second job, if i cant. I'm gonna be stuck in a home that im not wanted at. Everything around me has been soo negative lately. Im hoping this year will turn things around for me.

I'm not really sure what's up with me lately. Trying to live life doing things for myself for a better future. But I'm not happy. I guess it's human feeling as if you're never satisfied. Always wanting more than what you already have. Eh.. School? It's shit to me, I care for it cause I know it's important. But I'm not trying as hard as I use to. Work? I hate/love work. Some treat me wrong, some treat me right, I have all the opportunities wrong, but I can't seem to make the right choices. >_<. Parents? Never treating me right. The only thing that still runs through their head is money. I was feeling down today, slept throughout the whole morning and afternoon. Three times mom came up and harassed me about work. Telling me that I'm worth nothing, that I'm a burden on her. I know its time to leave to live a better life, but I can't seem to leave yet. I'm stuck here because at the same time that my parents hate me, they need me. Been away from friends for a long time, slowly starting to feel distant from everyone. I don't really know what to do in situation. Wanting everyone to be happy, but having to give up my own happiness for theirs. Today, I want to start a new beginning. Say Fuck it, and start all over. New people, new life, new everything. Everyone that I use to be close to are leaving for the dumbest reasons. Anyways.. Tired.... I'm Just Tired.

Today was like every other monday. SLOW. School was eh.. got annoyed here and there, didn't want to talk to anybody much. Last night watched paranormal activity and got scared. >_> turned off everything that made a sound because I was super paranoid. Even this morning, I was too scared to lift the blanket off my head. Woke up at 6, realized that Jowe wasn't home and I was home ALONE. I was scared shitless, made myself get up with all lights on and get ready. LOL Got myself some coffee, went to class, went to work. Stupid work. There was an old guy that was trying to get to some free food by bullshiting me and trying to get me in trouble. He told me that he had a call in order that he was for sure that it was my voice. (EVEN THOUGH, he pointed out earlier that, he wasnt sure that it was me or ms. oh) grr.. anyways, he helped up a huge line during rush hour trying to get food, then was being indecisive about what to eat, cause he forgot his own order apparently. Whatever Ms. oh took care of it. I was pissed at him for even trying to put the blame on me about not taking care of business. THAT FUCK. I dont care if your old or not, YOU fuck with me, YOU DONE. BLEH. okay enough of that, got home and went straight to bed. Got a good nap, sweating though (I might be getting sick). Went to my second job. Tired, didnt want to even work there. Such an unhappy place. Worked with Evelyn and Mariana so it wasn't that bad. Was suppose to get off at 9 instead got off at 11 because mariana was closing. >_<>_> i dunno how to deal with the situation. Its about "him", im a part of it. But mainly its because he feels like hes not going anywhere. I feel like I have no freedom and i try my best to hang out with everyone, but im always caught at the wrong time. To him, he probably feels that im choosing my friends over him. To him, he probably feels that all I care about is working and getting bank. To him, he doesnt realize that im working my ass off because I want to give him the best. I understand that he wants me to relax, yes I do. But I have a debt to pay. I need to take care of business before I can juss sit down and chill out. Being in debt, stressing me over soo much more than anything and its the same towards him. Shit, he even blamed me as a cause of him spending soo much money. Saying that he spends too much money on me. How is that suppose to make me feel? So this is my plan, I work. TILL I DIE. I save up as much money as I can for myself AFTER. I pay him back his grand so he'd be happy. and whenever we do see each other. NO MORE compromising when it comes to money. I dont want him to feel like he needs to spoil me, and obviously he doesnt care if I spoil him. We're on our own. As much as I hate, being separated like this. I realized that money can tear us apart. So US and money dont match. He lends me money, He says he spoils me too much. I buy him things and spoil him? He doesnt see it. Or he might appreciate it, but he always says that he has done more things for me than I ever do for him. I guess I am a bad girlfriend. but to this point, I feel like im doing something good for myself, and I want to be with him still, but I just dont feel appreciated. if thats the case, I will become busier and we'll see what happens later in life. He says, he feels like he has no goals in life. Maybe if we were separated he wouldnt have to worry about me, he can worry about himself first before he can start caring for others. Im stuck in that point, im trying to take care of myself and im trying to take careof him as well. but the more he wants, the more I feel like failure because I can't give it to him.

Today, I was hella clumsy and out of it >_< . Probably because I haven't had enough sleep. I was knocking things over and messing up a couple of orders at work. Dammit, Not cool. Didn't go to my sociology class this morning, found out we actually have homework due. Doesn't matter though, its not a big problem for me. Slept in, since I had to go to work at 3:30-11:00. Grabbed some coffee at 7eleven. Yum. Best domo coffee ever. Anyways, dropped jack off at school and went to work. Got off at 1:45. Got dressed at school & hung out before I had to go back to work. Today was pretty kick back not too crazy. I was working with francisco & Claudia and Mariana today. Francisco wasn't really on my ass as much as he use to, pretty laid back actually. I was on table for most of the time then switched off to doing dishes for three hours. Till now my fingers are still all wrinkly and old looking. >_>. Right now i should be doing my homework, but instead I wanna blog out my day. Relieve some stress. Thank you michael for giving me a quick massage. It helped out a lot. LOL I NEED MORE! xD Thanks ced for the quesidilla. It was yummie. After work had to go to walmart to grab a couple things then went home and now im on here. Oh yeah. at work olga was in and out of the store. had no idea what was going on but yeah. She wanted to talk to me about my schedule, I told her everything was fine of whatever she was setting up with. I made a complaint about carmen today, she told me to talk to her, but to watch my words since carmen takes it up the ass pretty bad. >< how am I ever able to talk this through to carmen? Jeez, I guess ill juss have to find a right time to do it. Probably after 9 when shes about to leave or something. I hate it when she rushes me and do all these things. it pisses me off. Olga told me that she does it to everyone, but jeez shes gotta stop if its pissing everyone off. Not good. Welps, I owe cedric a passion fruit drink since I lost a bet. lol. Im sleepy, but must get work done.

*sighs* I can finally sit for once. >_< costume ="]">_>. I wished he could live with me. I spent the weekend over in Santa Rosa with him. Fun stuff, we didn't do anything extrodinary just small stuff. We switched his car all stock again, and I cleaned out my dirty ass car. Had a nice dinner with the fam bam. They didn't give me shit for once. ITS AMAZING. I had a nice time, but i'm not planning to abuse it. I bet that if i come down every weekend, they'll turn back to their old ways and treat me like crap again. NOT DEALING WITH IT. I've been watching everything that i've been eating. I don't drink anything besides water or juice. Food wise? I'm already picky as it is, so theres not worry there. Managers at stockton grill & burger are like my 2nd parents. They worry about me (makes me feel kinda loved in a way) lol. OFF SUBJECT! Okay. well today, my first job was slow but it was good. Comon' its a monday. I got off bought jack some lunch since he got really sick =[. Hope he feels better. I got myself some lunch and ate. Dressed up for my 2nd job. Worked. I didn't have to deal with carmen today yay! I thought she was gonna come in around 4:30. I was thinking shit, my day was going so good, now its gonna be all fucked up. Francisco came in instead. Isn't that bad. but still bad. I was thinking to myself that he was gonna keep me in for closing. >_< DU ma. it was the opposite though, he let me out around 9:30. Whoot! I started sneezing out of nowhere and all the mexicans that worked inside of mcdonalds were teasing me of that I got the h1n1. LOL MOFOS the only reason why I got it, cause you guys spread it over to me! xD I SO MEAN. lol anyways, fall is here and my allergies act up more than ever around this time. This is worse than spring, so I gotta stock up on my allergy medicine before people start freaking out pointing fingers that I'm some kinda of disease machine. I'm home now, I should be starting on my english homework,but oh hell. Im hella lazy right now. My mind is wandering. FUN FACT!!! I DROPPED OUT OF HISTORY! YAY!!!!!!!!!!! =]=]=]=]=] THAT BITCH IS GAYY! HMPF. John I loved your gummy bears. I ate it like a beast lol. okay i do homework now.

Finally got outta my bed today, its both phu and I's 2yrs & 8 months anniversary today. Last night, we went out to grab a midnight snack at Mcdonalds. LOL geez, that place is everywhere. I was a lot happier going to a Mcdonalds where I didn't know anybody. No connection. For the past week, things been bugging me and pissing me off. Work isn't really as bad as I think it is. Just the people. Got in trouble friday >_> Right when I told cedric that carmen was on my ass, I think shes gonna hold a grudge on me forever now. Sandra was right in front of me when I said it out loud. Sandra is somewhat related to carmen and everyone told me to not say anything in front of her. Snitches are bitches. lol Anyways, My other job is doing okay, I feel bad that the managers don't trust kimber with taking a whole shift to herself. Imma try to help her out. Umm my condition? No idea whats gonna happen. Can't really go to the doctors right now, so I guess I'm stuck. Just gotta save up money and what not. As for "him", I understand that hes trying to keep his distance from me, but replacing his additude with me isn't gonna make anything better. Gimme me smart remarks are just gonna ending up making me hate you and not wanna be your friend anymore. Acting smart with me is practically insulting me. Its a big DUH that i dont like people who disrespect me. Espeacially at work. Messing with me one on one is one thing, but not in public when im at work when impressions are everything. I'm already to a point of being tired of you. This connection between us has gone to its limits. I'd like it better if we just stayed quittances. I understand that I changed you, but from what you say it is, its not a good change. Kris and tam had their fair share of blaming things on me towards their parents. I knew you were on lock down because of how you were changing, but I don't want to be at fault. When you told me that it was because of me thats why you were changing, I should of been feeling happy that you have a social life and that your happier this way. But instead I felt bad, knowing that you weren't taking care or your own business and taking care of yourself. Because of me. You were one of my biggest stress factors for this whole month. Hopefully everything will turn out for the bettter between us.
END.
New subject: PHU LIED TO ME! I took these two days off so we can go to frisco. >_<>_>..... So parents and I would split 50/50. Its not gonna happen. I'm going to pay for the whole thing I already know it. Whatever, another thing that would stress the fuck outta me. I'm not gonna get myself into it. Just let them do whatever. *sighs* I feel like everyone is walking all over me. What I need is space, not for everyone to grope all over me.

It's really late at night and i'm a mess. =[ Got done finish talking with my parents about my medical problem. No Help. They came to conclusions. STUPID conclusions blaming them on things that has nothing to do with what's going on in my body. I'm sick. To a point where anything can happen to me. Parents care? Yes, they do. Will they try to help me? No. I told them that whatever is going on with me started back in Junior year and I've BEEN asking them to get insurance for the longest time, but they were too cheap to do so. Until NOW, when things get at its worse. They complained that I didn't persuade them enough to get insurance or some bullshit. Blaming my conditon on akuma saying he's dirty (STUPID). Anyways, I'm really fed up. I got papers to write and I can't even do so knowing how stupid my parents can get. I guess my treatment will have to wait a couple of years when I can save up enough to help myself through this hellhole.