Today was like every other monday. SLOW. School was eh.. got annoyed here and there, didn't want to talk to anybody much. Last night watched paranormal activity and got scared. >_> turned off everything that made a sound because I was super paranoid. Even this morning, I was too scared to lift the blanket off my head. Woke up at 6, realized that Jowe wasn't home and I was home ALONE. I was scared shitless, made myself get up with all lights on and get ready. LOL Got myself some coffee, went to class, went to work. Stupid work. There was an old guy that was trying to get to some free food by bullshiting me and trying to get me in trouble. He told me that he had a call in order that he was for sure that it was my voice. (EVEN THOUGH, he pointed out earlier that, he wasnt sure that it was me or ms. oh) grr.. anyways, he helped up a huge line during rush hour trying to get food, then was being indecisive about what to eat, cause he forgot his own order apparently. Whatever Ms. oh took care of it. I was pissed at him for even trying to put the blame on me about not taking care of business. THAT FUCK. I dont care if your old or not, YOU fuck with me, YOU DONE. BLEH. okay enough of that, got home and went straight to bed. Got a good nap, sweating though (I might be getting sick). Went to my second job. Tired, didnt want to even work there. Such an unhappy place. Worked with Evelyn and Mariana so it wasn't that bad. Was suppose to get off at 9 instead got off at 11 because mariana was closing. >_<>_> i dunno how to deal with the situation. Its about "him", im a part of it. But mainly its because he feels like hes not going anywhere. I feel like I have no freedom and i try my best to hang out with everyone, but im always caught at the wrong time. To him, he probably feels that im choosing my friends over him. To him, he probably feels that all I care about is working and getting bank. To him, he doesnt realize that im working my ass off because I want to give him the best. I understand that he wants me to relax, yes I do. But I have a debt to pay. I need to take care of business before I can juss sit down and chill out. Being in debt, stressing me over soo much more than anything and its the same towards him. Shit, he even blamed me as a cause of him spending soo much money. Saying that he spends too much money on me. How is that suppose to make me feel? So this is my plan, I work. TILL I DIE. I save up as much money as I can for myself AFTER. I pay him back his grand so he'd be happy. and whenever we do see each other. NO MORE compromising when it comes to money. I dont want him to feel like he needs to spoil me, and obviously he doesnt care if I spoil him. We're on our own. As much as I hate, being separated like this. I realized that money can tear us apart. So US and money dont match. He lends me money, He says he spoils me too much. I buy him things and spoil him? He doesnt see it. Or he might appreciate it, but he always says that he has done more things for me than I ever do for him. I guess I am a bad girlfriend. but to this point, I feel like im doing something good for myself, and I want to be with him still, but I just dont feel appreciated. if thats the case, I will become busier and we'll see what happens later in life. He says, he feels like he has no goals in life. Maybe if we were separated he wouldnt have to worry about me, he can worry about himself first before he can start caring for others. Im stuck in that point, im trying to take care of myself and im trying to take careof him as well. but the more he wants, the more I feel like failure because I can't give it to him.
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